How to Give Feedback and Have Difficult Conversations as a New Manager
How to prepare, what to say, what to do when the employee disagrees or gets upset, and how to record what you agreed.
Quick answer
To give feedback and handle a difficult conversation as a new manager, prepare the facts and be clear about the purpose. Describe the specific behaviour or concern, and explain its effect on the work or the team. Ask for the employee's perspective and listen to it. Agree the next steps, then confirm expectations and follow up. Keep the conversation on what you have observed and on work outcomes, not on assumptions about personality, motivation or attitude. You do not need immediate agreement. You need a fair conversation and a way forward. Serious matters, such as misconduct or harassment, may need a formal process rather than an informal chat.
Key takeaways
- Avoiding a conversation lets a small issue grow into a bigger one, for you, the employee and the team.
- Separate what you observed from what you assume before you say anything.
- Ask for the employee's view before you decide on the cause or the fix.
- Disagreement and emotion are normal responses. Neither one means the conversation has failed.
- Know when an informal chat is not enough and the matter needs HR or a formal process.
Why do new managers avoid difficult conversations?
Most new managers have never had to tell someone their work is not good enough. They worry about damaging the relationship, coming across as bossy, handling disagreement badly or facing tears or anger. They are not sure what to say. Some are friends with the person. Many think any criticism has to become a formal performance process, so they say nothing at all.
Consider Ben, a new supervisor at a small travel agency. One of his consultants has missed the deadline for confirming client bookings three times in a month. Each time, Ben confirms them himself rather than raise it, because she is well liked and he does not want to upset her. By the fourth time, a client has lost a hotel booking, two colleagues have quietly picked up her other work, and Ben has a much harder conversation ahead than he would have had a month earlier.
Avoidance does not protect anyone. The employee loses the chance to fix the problem early, customers feel the effects and colleagues carry the load. Our guide to leadership skills for first time managers explains where feedback fits among the other skills you need.
What is the difference between feedback and a difficult conversation?
Feedback can be positive, developmental or corrective. A difficult conversation involves disagreement, conflicting expectations, a concern about how people work together or sensitive information. Most feedback should not feel confrontational at all.
| Type | Purpose | Workplace example |
|---|---|---|
| Positive feedback | Reinforce effective behaviour | Recognising how an employee handled an angry customer |
| Developmental feedback | Help improve capability | Improving the structure of a monthly report |
| Corrective feedback | Address a specific gap | Discussing repeatedly incomplete records |
| Difficult conversation | Address a sensitive or contested issue | Discussing behaviour that is affecting team relationships |
| Formal performance discussion | Follow an organisational process | Reviewing continuing underperformance |
These categories overlap. Corrective feedback can turn into a difficult conversation if the employee strongly disagrees. A formal discussion must follow your workplace's policies and any applicable award, agreement or contract.
How to prepare for a difficult conversation
Preparation matters more than a polished speech. A rehearsed script falls apart the moment the employee says something you did not expect. Clear facts and a clear purpose hold up.
Establish the facts
Separate what you saw from what you have concluded.
Fact: "Ellie submitted the last two reports after the agreed deadline."
You can discuss a fact. An assumption about someone's attitude starts an argument.
Identify the outcome
Decide what needs to change, and be able to describe the work result or behaviour you need in a sentence.
Consider possible causes
Workload, unclear instructions, a skill gap, competing priorities or personal circumstances could all be behind the problem. Keep each one open as a possibility without settling on any of them before you have listened.
Choose an appropriate setting
Hold the conversation in private, at a time when neither of you is rushed, and never in front of colleagues. For formal matters, follow your workplace's policies, including giving notice of the meeting and offering a support person where that applies.
- What exactly did I observe, and when?
- What effect has it had on the work, customers or colleagues?
- What outcome do I need from this conversation?
- What else might explain the problem?
- What support could I realistically offer?
- Is this informal feedback, or does it need HR or a formal process?
- Is the time and place private and unhurried?
How to give constructive feedback: a six-step conversation framework
This is a practical framework we use in Vanguard Business Education's leadership training. It is a working tool, not an officially recognised or scientifically validated process, and you will adapt it to each situation. The sequence is facts, impact, perspective, agreement, follow-up, introduced by a clear opening.
Step 1: Open the conversation clearly
State the purpose without being aggressive or vague.
Step 2: Describe what you observed
Give the facts without labelling the person. Use dates, specific events or the requirement you agreed.
Step 3: Explain why it matters
Describe the real consequences, without exaggerating.
Step 4: Ask for the employee's perspective
Use open questions, then listen before you decide on the cause or the solution.
Step 5: Identify an appropriate way forward
Discuss what needs to change, any support needed and who does what next. Seek agreement where possible, but make clear what is required even when the employee does not agree. Record any unresolved concerns.
Step 6: Confirm and follow up
Restate the responsibilities, standard and review arrangement, and record significant agreements.
What should you actually say when giving corrective feedback?
A customer service employee has not been updating the customer system after calls, and colleagues have been repeating conversations with customers as a result. Here is how the conversation might go:
Manager: "I want to talk about call notes in the system. Five calls from last week have no notes, including the Dawson complaint. When Kim picked up the Dawson follow-up, she had to ask the customer to explain everything again."
Employee: "I know. But the system's been logging me out halfway through notes, so I've been writing them on paper to put in later, and later doesn't happen."
Manager: "I didn't know about the logouts. How often is it happening?"
Employee: "A few times a day. Others have the same problem."
Manager: "Okay, I'll raise it with IT today. In the meantime, can you put the notes in before you take the next call, even if it's brief?"
Employee: "That'll slow the queue down a bit."
Manager: "That's a fair trade for now. I'll check the records on Friday and let you know what IT says."
The manager stated the facts and the impact, found a genuine system problem, took action on it and still kept the expectation.
What if the employee becomes defensive or disagrees?
Disagreement does not automatically mean disrespect or insubordination. An employee may deny the facts, blame someone else, question your judgement, get frustrated or challenge the standard itself. Sometimes they are right, or partly right.
When it happens, stay calm, listen before you argue, separate the facts from interpretations, check whether you are missing information, restate the expectation and agree a next step where you can. You do not need the employee to agree with every decision. You need them to understand it.
Suppose the employee says, "You're blaming me for something everyone does." A response that acknowledges the point and returns to the issue:
"You might be right that others are doing it too, and if so, I'll deal with that separately. I'm not singling you out. Right now I'm talking with you about your call notes, because those are the ones I've checked. Can we agree on how you'll handle them from here?"
Then follow through. If others are doing the same thing, raise it with them too. Otherwise the employee's point stands and your credibility suffers.
How should you handle an employee who becomes upset or angry?
Emotional reactions are normal, and most are not a safety concern. Give the person time to respond, avoid arguing or criticising them personally, offer a break, keep the conversation private and reschedule if it cannot continue constructively. If behaviour becomes threatening, follow your workplace's safety procedures. You are not expected to diagnose anyone or solve their personal problems, but you can point them to support such as an employee assistance program if your workplace has one.
Example A: the employee starts crying
Pause, and offer a moment or a glass of water. "Take your time. We can pause for a few minutes or arrange another time to continue. Would you prefer a short break?" If they want to continue, carry on calmly. If they mention something personal, listen and point them to available support, without trying to counsel them yourself.
Example B: the employee raises their voice and refuses to continue
Keep your own voice level. "I can see you're frustrated. I don't think we'll get anywhere right now, so let's stop and meet again tomorrow at 10. I do need us to talk about this." Afterwards, make a brief note of what happened. If the behaviour continues or becomes intimidating, talk to your manager or HR.
How do you give feedback to someone who used to be your colleague?
History makes honest feedback harder. You might go easy on a friend, apply standards unevenly, overcorrect by being harsh to prove you are impartial, or bring old arguments into a work discussion. Stick to observable work and the expectation you agreed, exactly as you would with anyone else.
For the wider challenge of leading former peers, see our guide to managing former colleagues after promotion.
When does informal feedback become formal performance management?
Repeated problems that do not improve after informal conversations and support may need escalation or a formal process. Some serious matters, such as misconduct, harassment, bullying or discrimination, need a formal response from the start rather than an informal chat.
Before you take anything formal, review the documented expectations, establish the facts, get advice from HR or senior management and follow your workplace's policies. Give the employee a proper opportunity to respond, and keep accurate, confidential records. The Fair Work Ombudsman's guide to managing underperformance explains a fair approach, including private meetings, giving notice and offering a support person. For setting and enforcing standards over time, see our guide to setting expectations and holding staff accountable.
Practical workplace scenario: the conversation nobody wants to have
Jamie is a newly appointed supervisor at a small professional services firm. Riley, one of the team, regularly interrupts colleagues in meetings and dismisses their suggestions. Two people have told Jamie privately that they no longer feel comfortable contributing. Riley is technically strong and produces excellent work, and is influential in the team. Jamie would rather not raise it.
This scenario is fictional.
A. Avoid the conversation
Jamie hopes it settles down. It is unlikely to. The quieter team members stop contributing, the meetings lose their ideas, and the two people who spoke up conclude that raising concerns achieves nothing.
B. Criticise Riley in the next team meeting
Jamie tells Riley in front of everyone to stop interrupting. Riley is embarrassed and defensive, the meeting becomes tense, and others may now worry that they will be called out publicly too.
C. Hold a private conversation
Jamie describes the specific behaviour from two recent meetings, asks for Riley's perspective, sets an expectation for respectful participation and agrees how they will review it.
Option C is generally the strongest starting point, unless your workplace's policies call for a different response. If the behaviour amounted to bullying, discrimination or harassment, or there were other serious conduct concerns, Jamie would need to escalate promptly or begin a formal process.
In the conversation, Riley says the meetings run long and repeat things, which is why Riley jumps in. Jamie accepts that point, agrees to tighten the agenda and still asks Riley to let colleagues finish before responding.
A practical difficult conversation record
Write a short record straight after the conversation, while it is fresh.
- Conversation held
- Tuesday 10 March, following the team meeting that day
- Issue discussed
- Repeated interruptions during team meetings
- Observations
- 3 March: interrupted Sarah twice during the client update. 10 March: dismissed Omar's scheduling suggestion before he had finished.
- Impact
- Team members unable to complete their contributions; two have said they hold back in meetings
- Riley's perspective
- Meetings run too long and repeat items, so Riley tries to move them along
- Agreed expectation
- Let colleagues finish before responding; raise disagreement about ideas without dismissing them
- Support or action
- Jamie to circulate a tighter agenda with time limits for each item
- Review
- After the next two team meetings
- Outcome
- To be recorded at the review, not assumed in advance
Store records like this confidentially and in line with your workplace's requirements. Keep them factual: what was observed, said and agreed.
Common mistakes new managers make during difficult conversations
- Delaying the conversation. Raise it within days, while the details are fresh and the issue is small.
- Starting with assumptions. Open with what you observed, not what you think it means.
- Criticising personality. Describe the behaviour and its effect, not the person.
- Talking more than listening. Ask your question, then stay quiet long enough for a real answer.
- Promising things outside your authority. Commit only to what you can deliver, and check the rest first.
- Ending without next steps. Finish by confirming who does what, and by when.
- Not following up. Put the review date in your calendar during the conversation.
How can you become more confident having difficult conversations?
Prepare each time using the six steps. Practise your opening sentence out loud, because the first ten seconds are usually the hardest. Ask an experienced manager for feedback on how you handled a real conversation, reflect on what you would change and work on your listening and questioning. Confidence grows with repeated practice.
Structured learning can help. The Certificate IV in Leadership and Management (BSB40520) is one development pathway for new supervisors. Vanguard Business Education (RTO 91219) teaches it through Applied Capability Education, with practical leadership decisions, workplace communication tasks and realistic assessment. Training does not guarantee confidence or resolve workplace disputes for you. It gives you a structure to practise with.
Frequently asked questions
How do you start a difficult conversation with an employee?
Start a difficult conversation by stating its purpose plainly in one sentence, such as "I'd like to talk about the last two reports and understand what happened with the deadlines." Hold it in private, at a time when neither of you is rushed, and move straight to the specific facts rather than small talk.
What is the best way to give constructive feedback?
Constructive feedback works best when it describes specific, observable behaviour, explains its effect on the work, asks for the employee's perspective and ends with an agreed next step. No single method suits every situation, but keeping the focus on facts and outcomes rather than personality usually makes feedback easier to hear and act on.
What if an employee disagrees with your feedback?
If an employee disagrees with your feedback, stay calm, listen to their reasons and check whether you are missing information. They may be partly right. If the expectation still stands, explain it clearly and agree a next step. You need them to understand the decision, not necessarily to agree with it.
Should you document difficult workplace conversations?
Yes, you should briefly document significant workplace conversations, recording the facts discussed, the employee's response, what was agreed and the review date. Keep the record factual and confidential, and follow your workplace's requirements. Records help if the issue continues and protect both you and the employee from later disagreement.
When should a new manager involve HR in a difficult conversation?
A new manager should involve HR, or their own manager in a small business, before any formal performance process and whenever a matter involves possible misconduct, bullying, harassment, discrimination or safety. Also get advice when informal conversations have not worked or you are unsure of your workplace's policies.
Final verdict
Difficult conversations are an unavoidable part of managing people. The aim is not to win an argument or control how the other person feels. It is to establish the facts, understand each other's perspective, make the expectation clear, agree what happens next and then follow through.
Effective feedback combines clarity with fairness. Avoiding the conversation protects neither you nor the employee.
See what practical leadership learning looks like
Difficult conversations take judgement, preparation and the ability to respond when things do not go to plan. Step into a realistic workplace leadership decision and see how Vanguard Business Education approaches practical leadership learning. It takes about eight minutes.
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